The 4th date

Dear Diary,

Why, why, why does Chef have to be so perfect? It's by no means a bad thing, I adore every minute i'm with him, but it hurts me to realise that eventually this amazing relationship might just end up crashing and burning after I tell him the truth about how I feel. Does it make me a bad person that I haven't come out to him? Especially considering the fact i'm not even transitioning yet. Am I just using him for the perks of a relationship in order to satisfy my loneliness until I transition? I really hope i'm not that selfish, I really do care about, a lot, and I feel recently that i'm falling for him pretty quickly. If he was able to accept my transition then I would definitely stay with him, he's so sweet and caring.

Today we met in the city for lunch, which he paid for (I said I would pay but he insisted...), and afterwards we went shopping, and then to the cinema, and then finally he walked me to the bus and we said farewell. The date wasn't meant to last beyond lunch but he said he didn't want to leave me so soon, so we ended up spending the day together again. It's irritating that i'm caught in such a strange complex; he makes me feel really complete, and I know this is going to sound all new-age-ish and cheesy but he does feel like my soul mate (oh my days that sounds so premature after only 4 dates I hear you cry), if I could make a choice between transitioning or being with him, part of me wants to hold of transitioning just to maintain a relationship with Chef. But isn't that just continuing my age old cycle of ignoring the issue and letting it simmer away under the surface until it eventually bubbles out of control?

Sigh.

On the bright side the steps I am making towards transitioning are working well. Ever since i've been taking Saw Palmetto I don't look so "dug up". As I catch my reflection in the mirror my skin does look almost completely clear now (which is a very refreshing change... I used to suffer from acne for ages, and it's only recently gone since i've started SP), and if I lift up my fringe I can see new hairs sprouting where my hair had receded at the temples.

Oh I don't know what to do. Do I keep my amazing boyfriend by hiding the truth from him and attempting to not have to transition? Or do I try and tell him the truth and just hope that he'll accept who I am or by telling him the truth enable us both to be honest and find people better suited?

From

ConfusedGirl17