Dear Blog,
I've started to make baby steps at last.
Most people come out suddenly, in some huge sweeping statement:
"I'm here, i'm trans, get used to it."
However. There is an alternative.
Like many others i've decided to start making baby steps in my transitioning process.
I've changed my gender on facebook, but I put it as "don't show gender". So, whenever I make a status on my timeline it will say "ConfusedGirl17 changed HER status".
I've also changed my profile picture, so that i'm now in make-up, with longer hair, in androgynous clothing (I do look like a girl when I dress how I want now).
I was also wondering, would it just be me worth eventually shutting down my current facebook and making a new facebook altogether?
I'm making this sound so much easier than it is, I was a complete wreck before I changed my facebook picture, wondering; "Oh no, what if this person sees and says something to my family" or "what if these people figure me out". I know most of you will be thinking "Well why bother changing it at all then?" But it's not that simple, I HAVE to transition, and this is just one of the steps along the way.
My next issue, and my only real issue; my family, or rather, my parents.
That is my one big hurdle that i'm having a difficulty over-coming.
I don't have the best of relationships with my parents... I mean we get on, but it's always been a tad strained. I've always been made to know that i'm not really good enough.
I could always just not tell them and move away to University and cut off contact? I don't think they'd be that bothered, I mean why create hassle for myself? But then again they are my parents and I would miss them.
In terms of actually transitioning things are going slow and steady,
I'm conscious of the fact I need to start hormone blockers when I can get them. I'm constantly worrying about my shoulders and height, I get back pains lately and i'm so worried that it might be growing pains.
My hair is slowly improving with Saw Palmetto, I think. My skin has cleared up now. I'm maintaining my eyebrows watching like a hawk for any stray hairs.
Shaving. That is a huge occupation of my time lately. I make sure no stray hairs are visible and shave constantly, legs, arms, chest, face.
My only other issue is weight; i'm losing it slowly on a strict diet. I want to drop another 2 stone so that I have a more feminine shape.
Anyway I must be off,
But i'll update more later.
From,
ConfusedGirl17
Hey-I just stumbled across your blog, and I read this post, and I thought I would try and offer some advice; If I read this a year and a half ago, I would swear that I had written it myself, so I really do get where you are coming from. Being trans* is really, really hard.
ReplyDeleteThe Facebook profile thing was a struggle for me; Feels a bit odd reading the word "she", doesn't it? Great but strange. For me, the first step was just removing any tags, or photos that were too "male", and eventually I switched gender marker to female on my profile. A note on that: nobody except yourself and perhaps another trans-person will notice. I have three friends I know of, cis and straight guys that have female down as a joke-if people don't think it's serious, they won't take it seriously.
With regards to the parents, I know this sounds harsh, but the sooner you come out, the easier it will be. Unless you KNOW they will HATE every bit of it...when I told my parents, it put them off for a while, but eventually they came around, and now I can even count on their support getting hormones. We may fight, but we fight for other reasons, and that is incredible progress.
I took saw palmetto for a year. Total hoax (at least it was for me, did NOTHING)...
If you ever want to ask anything, send me an email at danielkolodkin@gmail.com. I don't know how many other trans* people you might know, but I never knew another trans woman near my age, and things would have been so much easier if I did. I'd be happy to answer any questions you have.
Best,
Lisa K