Dear Blog,
I've started to make baby steps at last.
Most people come out suddenly, in some huge sweeping statement:
"I'm here, i'm trans, get used to it."
However. There is an alternative.
Like many others i've decided to start making baby steps in my transitioning process.
I've changed my gender on facebook, but I put it as "don't show gender". So, whenever I make a status on my timeline it will say "ConfusedGirl17 changed HER status".
I've also changed my profile picture, so that i'm now in make-up, with longer hair, in androgynous clothing (I do look like a girl when I dress how I want now).
I was also wondering, would it just be me worth eventually shutting down my current facebook and making a new facebook altogether?
I'm making this sound so much easier than it is, I was a complete wreck before I changed my facebook picture, wondering; "Oh no, what if this person sees and says something to my family" or "what if these people figure me out". I know most of you will be thinking "Well why bother changing it at all then?" But it's not that simple, I HAVE to transition, and this is just one of the steps along the way.
My next issue, and my only real issue; my family, or rather, my parents.
That is my one big hurdle that i'm having a difficulty over-coming.
I don't have the best of relationships with my parents... I mean we get on, but it's always been a tad strained. I've always been made to know that i'm not really good enough.
I could always just not tell them and move away to University and cut off contact? I don't think they'd be that bothered, I mean why create hassle for myself? But then again they are my parents and I would miss them.
In terms of actually transitioning things are going slow and steady,
I'm conscious of the fact I need to start hormone blockers when I can get them. I'm constantly worrying about my shoulders and height, I get back pains lately and i'm so worried that it might be growing pains.
My hair is slowly improving with Saw Palmetto, I think. My skin has cleared up now. I'm maintaining my eyebrows watching like a hawk for any stray hairs.
Shaving. That is a huge occupation of my time lately. I make sure no stray hairs are visible and shave constantly, legs, arms, chest, face.
My only other issue is weight; i'm losing it slowly on a strict diet. I want to drop another 2 stone so that I have a more feminine shape.
Anyway I must be off,
But i'll update more later.
From,
ConfusedGirl17
Saturday, 6 April 2013
Friday, 22 March 2013
Passing MTF
Dear Blog,
So today i've passed. And by passed, I mean fully passed, as a girl.
Ok so i'll backtrack a bit and set the scene. I was in my friend's bedroom getting ready for a nightout. Now, he knows about my issue with gender, and how I want to change my body so that I can live as a girl.
Katy Perry was booming out from the iPod docking station, "teenage dream", I was brushing my wig and singing along out of tune, whilst GayBestFriend (that's his name, just for anonymity's sake) was plastering himself in foundation and concealor (he has pretty bad skin, but he is amazing at make-up). I had just finished my skin foundation and was moving onto my eyes, running the eyeliner pencil across the rims of my eyes, and was just mixing eyeshadows to get the right shade, and I was sat there feeling pretty dysphoric inside thinking to myself; "well what's even the point of getting ready if at the end of the day i'm still going to look like a guy..."
I pushed my feelings aside, I had a party to go to, I wanted to be happy and have fun, life is too short to sit around and cry into a bad wig. I finished my makeup and put my wig on, adjusting the tightness slightly so it wouldn't fall off while I was dancing. I sat down again at the vanity case and stared at myself for a bit in the bright bulb-lit mirror. I looked pretty good, more than good actually, I mean, not stunning, but attractive, for once. I felt fully feminine, and I felt... right.
I put on the rest of my jewelry and picked up my clutch, and asked GayBestFriend "You ready to hit the town love?"
"Oh my God..." He replied, looking me up and down.
"What?"
"You look seriously good, you're so convincing".
I lit up like a firework, I was so happy to get such a nice compliment. GayBestFriend is usually brutally honest, it's one of his best and worst traits, but I love him for his honesty, if you want to know if you look good or not, he's the perfect person to ask, he's more honest than a mirror.
So, feeling happy as a clam we set off, we got into AfroGuy's (GayBestFriend's ex from ages ago but now a really good friend) and went to the party. The party was my friend BlondeGirl's girlfriend's party, but the girlfriend is an aspiring singer, so BlondeGirl wanted me to bring a few more people along to makeup the numbers, because BlondeGirlsBoyfriend wanted a large crowd.
We got there, from the outside it looked like a typical nightclub, bouncer at the door, asking to see our invites, GayBestFriend needed AfroGuy to drive him back quickly because he forgot his invite, but he told me to go in without me, and that they'd meet us in later, I agreed reluctantly (I hate going into parties alone, i'm super introverted sometimes) and went inside.
Inside it was a mixture of Scene girls and Hipsters, I kept my head down a bit, my brown hair falling infront of my face. I was so nervous. I really didn't want to be 'read' by anyone.
I went to the bar and got a Coke, I've never really liked alcohol, plus I hate the feeling of getting drunk, and I figured the sugar would calm my nerves a bit. Then I realised something. The barman used female pronouns when he gave me the drink, saying "Here you go miss". Was he just being nice? Or was I truly passing?
Eventually AfroGuy and GayBestFriend turned up and we danced for a bit, socialised, and surprisingly I hadn't been read yet (I'd been practising a female voice and mannerisms the day before).
That's when He turned up. CuteGuy. I was dancing like a fool, when I caught his eye. He was so attractive. Really tall about 6'4'', blue eyes, tawny blonde hair and slightly tanned skin, the colour of toffee popcorn. He asked me if I wanted to dance with him, I nodded perhaps a bit too eagerly.
We started dancing, he'd obviously had a bit to drink judging by his wobbliness, but not an unsociable amount. After about half hour dancing we both went outside for some air.
"So what's your name beautiful?" He asked, smiling impishly. He was standing close to me, looking down at me as i'm a bit of a shrimp.
"Ruby" I said fiddling with my hair. Please don't read me. Please don't read me. Please don't read me.
"Cute name. Are you free to hang out sometime?"
"Yeah... i'm on my holidays now so i'm pretty much free everyday, not that i'm boring or anything, but you know, lots of spare time haha". I ended up turning into a dribbling mess, I never do well talking to cute guys.
"You're adorable. I tell you what, pass me your phone a sec." I passed him my bright pink Nokia and he carried on speaking "there. It's got my number in it. Give me a text sometime. I have to go but please text me." We parted ways and after a night of smiling and feeling happy with myself I went home.
We did text, and now I have a "date" kind of thing on monday. Awkward thing is, I don't think CuteGuy knows that i'm trans. Help?
From,
ConfusedGirl17
So today i've passed. And by passed, I mean fully passed, as a girl.
Ok so i'll backtrack a bit and set the scene. I was in my friend's bedroom getting ready for a nightout. Now, he knows about my issue with gender, and how I want to change my body so that I can live as a girl.
Katy Perry was booming out from the iPod docking station, "teenage dream", I was brushing my wig and singing along out of tune, whilst GayBestFriend (that's his name, just for anonymity's sake) was plastering himself in foundation and concealor (he has pretty bad skin, but he is amazing at make-up). I had just finished my skin foundation and was moving onto my eyes, running the eyeliner pencil across the rims of my eyes, and was just mixing eyeshadows to get the right shade, and I was sat there feeling pretty dysphoric inside thinking to myself; "well what's even the point of getting ready if at the end of the day i'm still going to look like a guy..."
I pushed my feelings aside, I had a party to go to, I wanted to be happy and have fun, life is too short to sit around and cry into a bad wig. I finished my makeup and put my wig on, adjusting the tightness slightly so it wouldn't fall off while I was dancing. I sat down again at the vanity case and stared at myself for a bit in the bright bulb-lit mirror. I looked pretty good, more than good actually, I mean, not stunning, but attractive, for once. I felt fully feminine, and I felt... right.
I put on the rest of my jewelry and picked up my clutch, and asked GayBestFriend "You ready to hit the town love?"
"Oh my God..." He replied, looking me up and down.
"What?"
"You look seriously good, you're so convincing".
I lit up like a firework, I was so happy to get such a nice compliment. GayBestFriend is usually brutally honest, it's one of his best and worst traits, but I love him for his honesty, if you want to know if you look good or not, he's the perfect person to ask, he's more honest than a mirror.
So, feeling happy as a clam we set off, we got into AfroGuy's (GayBestFriend's ex from ages ago but now a really good friend) and went to the party. The party was my friend BlondeGirl's girlfriend's party, but the girlfriend is an aspiring singer, so BlondeGirl wanted me to bring a few more people along to makeup the numbers, because BlondeGirlsBoyfriend wanted a large crowd.
We got there, from the outside it looked like a typical nightclub, bouncer at the door, asking to see our invites, GayBestFriend needed AfroGuy to drive him back quickly because he forgot his invite, but he told me to go in without me, and that they'd meet us in later, I agreed reluctantly (I hate going into parties alone, i'm super introverted sometimes) and went inside.
Inside it was a mixture of Scene girls and Hipsters, I kept my head down a bit, my brown hair falling infront of my face. I was so nervous. I really didn't want to be 'read' by anyone.
I went to the bar and got a Coke, I've never really liked alcohol, plus I hate the feeling of getting drunk, and I figured the sugar would calm my nerves a bit. Then I realised something. The barman used female pronouns when he gave me the drink, saying "Here you go miss". Was he just being nice? Or was I truly passing?
Eventually AfroGuy and GayBestFriend turned up and we danced for a bit, socialised, and surprisingly I hadn't been read yet (I'd been practising a female voice and mannerisms the day before).
That's when He turned up. CuteGuy. I was dancing like a fool, when I caught his eye. He was so attractive. Really tall about 6'4'', blue eyes, tawny blonde hair and slightly tanned skin, the colour of toffee popcorn. He asked me if I wanted to dance with him, I nodded perhaps a bit too eagerly.
We started dancing, he'd obviously had a bit to drink judging by his wobbliness, but not an unsociable amount. After about half hour dancing we both went outside for some air.
"So what's your name beautiful?" He asked, smiling impishly. He was standing close to me, looking down at me as i'm a bit of a shrimp.
"Ruby" I said fiddling with my hair. Please don't read me. Please don't read me. Please don't read me.
"Cute name. Are you free to hang out sometime?"
"Yeah... i'm on my holidays now so i'm pretty much free everyday, not that i'm boring or anything, but you know, lots of spare time haha". I ended up turning into a dribbling mess, I never do well talking to cute guys.
"You're adorable. I tell you what, pass me your phone a sec." I passed him my bright pink Nokia and he carried on speaking "there. It's got my number in it. Give me a text sometime. I have to go but please text me." We parted ways and after a night of smiling and feeling happy with myself I went home.
We did text, and now I have a "date" kind of thing on monday. Awkward thing is, I don't think CuteGuy knows that i'm trans. Help?
From,
ConfusedGirl17
Tuesday, 12 March 2013
Self-loathing
Dear Blog,
Today gender dysphoria hit me again like a tonne of bricks. I hate the way it keeps coming and going, it creates a sickening see-saw effects where I don't know when i'm next going to be crippled by it.
I had the house to myself after high school for several hours. I quickly ran upstairs and prepped my face for make-up (dressing while i'm alone is like a type of therapy for me lately, it makes me feel better). I changed into simplistic clothing, a tight-fitting 3/4 length sleeve top with black sequins, skinny blue jean, and my brown wavy wig. I spent the best part of 40 minutes doing my make-up as it always takes a while to hide the masculinity...
But today dressing just didn't help me, well not as much as it usually does. I stepped back and looked at myself in the floor length mirror and I just hated myself. Hate might be a strong word. I don't hate myself, I just hate my body. It all feels like some cruel sadistic joke that i'm stuck like this whilst everyone else gets to be at least content with their physical sex.
I looked into the mirror, I looked passable, just, if I squinted I looked decent. But on closer inspection I could see all the imperfections; the slightly too-broad shoulders, the few inches too tall build, the nose, the forehead, the chin, the hands, the feet, the shadow peeking through under the foundation, the eyebrows (which no matter what I do still present a masculine vibe).
I just feel so... tired. It just takes so much effort to even feel barely content with myself. I'm so sick of going into high school every day looking so... masculine. I hate having lessons with other girls, where I can just see how perfect some of them are, especially compared to me. They could get any guy they wanted and i'm just stuck as I am.
It's days like these where I feel even lower and I think to myself; Why do I even bother? Even if I did look passable post-transition i'd still be unnattractive, i'd still be too big and broad, I'd never attract a guy, and even if I did it'd just be some fetishist who had a thing for transgirls, and even if he was a nice guy he might leave me if I told him the truth. I can't do anything to change having a Y chromosome, i'm reminded of that constantly in biology lessons.
I may put on a happy face, but it's only so people don't have to put up with how numb I feel, and how jealous I am.
Anyway i'm going to move onto happier topics, maybe i'll bake a cake tonight, or go internet shopping. Retail therapy always helps.
Anyway I must be off, I'll write more later on.
Love From
ConfusedGirl17
Today gender dysphoria hit me again like a tonne of bricks. I hate the way it keeps coming and going, it creates a sickening see-saw effects where I don't know when i'm next going to be crippled by it.
I had the house to myself after high school for several hours. I quickly ran upstairs and prepped my face for make-up (dressing while i'm alone is like a type of therapy for me lately, it makes me feel better). I changed into simplistic clothing, a tight-fitting 3/4 length sleeve top with black sequins, skinny blue jean, and my brown wavy wig. I spent the best part of 40 minutes doing my make-up as it always takes a while to hide the masculinity...
But today dressing just didn't help me, well not as much as it usually does. I stepped back and looked at myself in the floor length mirror and I just hated myself. Hate might be a strong word. I don't hate myself, I just hate my body. It all feels like some cruel sadistic joke that i'm stuck like this whilst everyone else gets to be at least content with their physical sex.
I looked into the mirror, I looked passable, just, if I squinted I looked decent. But on closer inspection I could see all the imperfections; the slightly too-broad shoulders, the few inches too tall build, the nose, the forehead, the chin, the hands, the feet, the shadow peeking through under the foundation, the eyebrows (which no matter what I do still present a masculine vibe).
I just feel so... tired. It just takes so much effort to even feel barely content with myself. I'm so sick of going into high school every day looking so... masculine. I hate having lessons with other girls, where I can just see how perfect some of them are, especially compared to me. They could get any guy they wanted and i'm just stuck as I am.
It's days like these where I feel even lower and I think to myself; Why do I even bother? Even if I did look passable post-transition i'd still be unnattractive, i'd still be too big and broad, I'd never attract a guy, and even if I did it'd just be some fetishist who had a thing for transgirls, and even if he was a nice guy he might leave me if I told him the truth. I can't do anything to change having a Y chromosome, i'm reminded of that constantly in biology lessons.
I may put on a happy face, but it's only so people don't have to put up with how numb I feel, and how jealous I am.
Anyway i'm going to move onto happier topics, maybe i'll bake a cake tonight, or go internet shopping. Retail therapy always helps.
Anyway I must be off, I'll write more later on.
Love From
ConfusedGirl17
Monday, 11 March 2013
Delaying transitioning?
Dear Blog,
Ok, the title may be slightly incorrect, i'm not really delaying my transition, i'm just going to take it slow for a while. I've realised that it's so difficult for me to consider transitioning fully when i'm still in my last year of high school. Saw Palmetto as helped me somewhat, but it's really not enough, I want to have a woman's body, and the only way I can really accomplish that is through oestrogen, which I can't really access for another 5 months anyway.
I'll explain my situation; i'm currently living in the closet, except to a close friends, and i'm desperately using herbal alternatives to anti-androgens such as saw palmetto in order to reduce any further masculinisation my body might go through in the next few months. I say months because come september I will hopefully be off to Brighton and by then I will be able to 'transition' without parental interference (My parents are supportive in a lot of ways, but I think telling them i'm secretly a girl might just be a little too much for them to handle).
So. A couple months to go, and then I can start properly. In the mean time i'm trying to femme-up my appearance by buying androgynous clothes and shaving, as well as using saw palmetto.
But is this really enough? Can I cope with being "guyish" for almost half a year? Especially whilst everyone else is walking around perfectly happy with themselves.
Then again I suppose it doesn't matter what I look like lately, I've become a total social recluse in the run-up to exams. My exam results this january came out FAR better than expected with 3 A grades and one A* (for those who don't know, that's practically full marks in English A level exams), so i'm definitely going to university this year (unless I fall over and suffer a bad blow to the head which would cause me to fail my finals in the summer).
My phone's just buzzed. It's Chef. (Sigh).
"Hey Babe hope studying is going well <3 I miss you loads! xxx"
Shouldn't I really call and end to this relationship? How can I hold down a serious relationship and be true to someone when i'm not even true to myself?
I really need to sort this situation out. Should I come out? Or should I wait until i'm independant?
My one fear is what if. What if I suddenly grow 2-3 inches before I go to univesity? What if my feet and hands suddenly get bigger? What if I suddenly go bald? These are all genuine fears of mine and I have no idea how to tackle them.
Anyway I must be off, I have a stack of work and only 3 months until my finals.
Cheerio.
ConfusedGirl17
Ok, the title may be slightly incorrect, i'm not really delaying my transition, i'm just going to take it slow for a while. I've realised that it's so difficult for me to consider transitioning fully when i'm still in my last year of high school. Saw Palmetto as helped me somewhat, but it's really not enough, I want to have a woman's body, and the only way I can really accomplish that is through oestrogen, which I can't really access for another 5 months anyway.
I'll explain my situation; i'm currently living in the closet, except to a close friends, and i'm desperately using herbal alternatives to anti-androgens such as saw palmetto in order to reduce any further masculinisation my body might go through in the next few months. I say months because come september I will hopefully be off to Brighton and by then I will be able to 'transition' without parental interference (My parents are supportive in a lot of ways, but I think telling them i'm secretly a girl might just be a little too much for them to handle).
So. A couple months to go, and then I can start properly. In the mean time i'm trying to femme-up my appearance by buying androgynous clothes and shaving, as well as using saw palmetto.
But is this really enough? Can I cope with being "guyish" for almost half a year? Especially whilst everyone else is walking around perfectly happy with themselves.
Then again I suppose it doesn't matter what I look like lately, I've become a total social recluse in the run-up to exams. My exam results this january came out FAR better than expected with 3 A grades and one A* (for those who don't know, that's practically full marks in English A level exams), so i'm definitely going to university this year (unless I fall over and suffer a bad blow to the head which would cause me to fail my finals in the summer).
My phone's just buzzed. It's Chef. (Sigh).
"Hey Babe hope studying is going well <3 I miss you loads! xxx"
Shouldn't I really call and end to this relationship? How can I hold down a serious relationship and be true to someone when i'm not even true to myself?
I really need to sort this situation out. Should I come out? Or should I wait until i'm independant?
My one fear is what if. What if I suddenly grow 2-3 inches before I go to univesity? What if my feet and hands suddenly get bigger? What if I suddenly go bald? These are all genuine fears of mine and I have no idea how to tackle them.
Anyway I must be off, I have a stack of work and only 3 months until my finals.
Cheerio.
ConfusedGirl17
Tuesday, 5 March 2013
The 4th date
Dear Diary,
Why, why, why does Chef have to be so perfect? It's by no means a bad thing, I adore every minute i'm with him, but it hurts me to realise that eventually this amazing relationship might just end up crashing and burning after I tell him the truth about how I feel. Does it make me a bad person that I haven't come out to him? Especially considering the fact i'm not even transitioning yet. Am I just using him for the perks of a relationship in order to satisfy my loneliness until I transition? I really hope i'm not that selfish, I really do care about, a lot, and I feel recently that i'm falling for him pretty quickly. If he was able to accept my transition then I would definitely stay with him, he's so sweet and caring.
Today we met in the city for lunch, which he paid for (I said I would pay but he insisted...), and afterwards we went shopping, and then to the cinema, and then finally he walked me to the bus and we said farewell. The date wasn't meant to last beyond lunch but he said he didn't want to leave me so soon, so we ended up spending the day together again. It's irritating that i'm caught in such a strange complex; he makes me feel really complete, and I know this is going to sound all new-age-ish and cheesy but he does feel like my soul mate (oh my days that sounds so premature after only 4 dates I hear you cry), if I could make a choice between transitioning or being with him, part of me wants to hold of transitioning just to maintain a relationship with Chef. But isn't that just continuing my age old cycle of ignoring the issue and letting it simmer away under the surface until it eventually bubbles out of control?
Sigh.
On the bright side the steps I am making towards transitioning are working well. Ever since i've been taking Saw Palmetto I don't look so "dug up". As I catch my reflection in the mirror my skin does look almost completely clear now (which is a very refreshing change... I used to suffer from acne for ages, and it's only recently gone since i've started SP), and if I lift up my fringe I can see new hairs sprouting where my hair had receded at the temples.
Oh I don't know what to do. Do I keep my amazing boyfriend by hiding the truth from him and attempting to not have to transition? Or do I try and tell him the truth and just hope that he'll accept who I am or by telling him the truth enable us both to be honest and find people better suited?
From
ConfusedGirl17
Why, why, why does Chef have to be so perfect? It's by no means a bad thing, I adore every minute i'm with him, but it hurts me to realise that eventually this amazing relationship might just end up crashing and burning after I tell him the truth about how I feel. Does it make me a bad person that I haven't come out to him? Especially considering the fact i'm not even transitioning yet. Am I just using him for the perks of a relationship in order to satisfy my loneliness until I transition? I really hope i'm not that selfish, I really do care about, a lot, and I feel recently that i'm falling for him pretty quickly. If he was able to accept my transition then I would definitely stay with him, he's so sweet and caring.
Today we met in the city for lunch, which he paid for (I said I would pay but he insisted...), and afterwards we went shopping, and then to the cinema, and then finally he walked me to the bus and we said farewell. The date wasn't meant to last beyond lunch but he said he didn't want to leave me so soon, so we ended up spending the day together again. It's irritating that i'm caught in such a strange complex; he makes me feel really complete, and I know this is going to sound all new-age-ish and cheesy but he does feel like my soul mate (oh my days that sounds so premature after only 4 dates I hear you cry), if I could make a choice between transitioning or being with him, part of me wants to hold of transitioning just to maintain a relationship with Chef. But isn't that just continuing my age old cycle of ignoring the issue and letting it simmer away under the surface until it eventually bubbles out of control?
Sigh.
On the bright side the steps I am making towards transitioning are working well. Ever since i've been taking Saw Palmetto I don't look so "dug up". As I catch my reflection in the mirror my skin does look almost completely clear now (which is a very refreshing change... I used to suffer from acne for ages, and it's only recently gone since i've started SP), and if I lift up my fringe I can see new hairs sprouting where my hair had receded at the temples.
Oh I don't know what to do. Do I keep my amazing boyfriend by hiding the truth from him and attempting to not have to transition? Or do I try and tell him the truth and just hope that he'll accept who I am or by telling him the truth enable us both to be honest and find people better suited?
From
ConfusedGirl17
Monday, 4 March 2013
Transphobia
Dear Blog,
It's occurred to me recently how transphobia is much more common than homophobia. This is most probably due to the fact that so many people are completely ignorant of what it means to be transgendered, and that even in the gay community people are completely clueless of what the 'T' in 'LGBT' stands for, with many people believing it just accounts for cross-dressers.
While the UK and other western governments have done a lot to protect the rights of LGB citizens, i.e. education in schools, laws to protect them etc. etc. etc. There is still a lack of protection for transgendered individuals, and whilst homophobia is beginning to be tackled in most schools (even if it is mostly just lip service to the law) there is still open transphobia in schools and in the work place. I can remember when being faced with transphobia in the past I have often just been told to "tone [my] look down" or "act more like a guy". I find this terribly offensive and ignorant, you wouldn't tell a person of African origin to adopt clown make-up to tone their ethnicity down, or ask a woman who was a victim of sexual harrassment to try and adopt adrogyny or give up washing in order to put off possible attackers.
The problem with our culture at the minute is that people feel that the victim is partly to blame for being a victim of racism, sexism, homophobia and particularly transphobia. This idea of "tolerance" is irritating, I don't just want to be 'tolerated' and 'put up with' by people, I want to be accepted, I want to able to go into work, or walk down the streets and not receive ridiculing looks or comments by people.
Another issue is that in school there is a complete lack of education about homosexuality and transgenderism in the UK. I can remember having one lesson about homosexuality in school which featured a picture of two men holding hands and little explanation or education about the topic. Transgenderism isn't touched on at all in education, neither is definition about sex or gender.
To conclude we need to abandon this concept of just 'tolerating' minority groups and begin accepting people for how they are and teaching people from a young age about how people can be different but that at the end of the day we are all still human beings.
From
ConfusedGirl17
It's occurred to me recently how transphobia is much more common than homophobia. This is most probably due to the fact that so many people are completely ignorant of what it means to be transgendered, and that even in the gay community people are completely clueless of what the 'T' in 'LGBT' stands for, with many people believing it just accounts for cross-dressers.
While the UK and other western governments have done a lot to protect the rights of LGB citizens, i.e. education in schools, laws to protect them etc. etc. etc. There is still a lack of protection for transgendered individuals, and whilst homophobia is beginning to be tackled in most schools (even if it is mostly just lip service to the law) there is still open transphobia in schools and in the work place. I can remember when being faced with transphobia in the past I have often just been told to "tone [my] look down" or "act more like a guy". I find this terribly offensive and ignorant, you wouldn't tell a person of African origin to adopt clown make-up to tone their ethnicity down, or ask a woman who was a victim of sexual harrassment to try and adopt adrogyny or give up washing in order to put off possible attackers.
The problem with our culture at the minute is that people feel that the victim is partly to blame for being a victim of racism, sexism, homophobia and particularly transphobia. This idea of "tolerance" is irritating, I don't just want to be 'tolerated' and 'put up with' by people, I want to be accepted, I want to able to go into work, or walk down the streets and not receive ridiculing looks or comments by people.
Another issue is that in school there is a complete lack of education about homosexuality and transgenderism in the UK. I can remember having one lesson about homosexuality in school which featured a picture of two men holding hands and little explanation or education about the topic. Transgenderism isn't touched on at all in education, neither is definition about sex or gender.
To conclude we need to abandon this concept of just 'tolerating' minority groups and begin accepting people for how they are and teaching people from a young age about how people can be different but that at the end of the day we are all still human beings.
From
ConfusedGirl17
Wednesday, 27 February 2013
Gender Dysphoria
Dear Diary,
Whenever I go on the internet looking for stories about transpeople (particularly MTF transitions), I always come across huge long monologues about how gender dysphoria appears to be this constant drudgery that makes a person's life unbearable, and from what I have read, many of the stories depict gender dysphoria has an omnipresent mindset, i.e. the person always feels miserable about their gender.
This is where my dilemna occurs; I don't always feel gender dysphoric. By this I don't mean I ever want to be a boy, because I don't. What I mean is that for me, gender dysphoria isn't this huge dark cloud which engulfs my every waking moment. Some days I wake up and I hate who I see in the mirror, and I become desperate to transition. But some days I find that i'm not too bothered by how I am, i'm never 'happy' being a 'guy', but instead I adopt a more emotionally neutral perspective, and just get on with my day.
This in turn leads me to doubt myself, because i'm constantly thinking "Well what if i'm not really trans?" "I can't be trans because if I was trans i'd hate myself more" "Is transitioning really for me?". And so in turn this leads to me having a dark cloud of depression, albeit a different one to gender dysphoria, because I am being depressed about not being depressed enough about my situation. And that makes me feel more depressed because i'm depressed about not being depressed. (Reader please note the implied viscious cycle and repeated use of the word depressed... Sucks right?)
Another issue which plays on my mind is the concept of how long i've known. I made the realisation little over two years ago, which doesn't fill me with confidence when I read all these stories about transgendered individuals aparently realising they were transgender when they were fresh out of the womb. I know that sounds a bit of a nasty jibe and I don't mean it to be, but sometimes when one hears a story which holds such conviction that they have always constantly felt this way for years, one has a niggling doubt in ones head about whether or not the story is exaggerated in order to attract more interest from the reader.
Does it make me less of a woman just because i've taken a little longer to realise that I am a woman? (It took me until I was 7 before I could tie my laces... I've always been a bit slow on the uptake)
So, the rhetorical question I put forward is; do we have to hate ourselves and feel miserable constantly in order to prove to ourselves and know in ourselves that we are transgendered? Or can one be content with not completely despising ones self and instead allow oneself a day off in order to enjoy life rather than letting their gender identity engulf their being? And does one need to have had gender dysphoria as a lifelong companion before one can realise whether they truly are transgender?
From,
ConfusedGirl17
Whenever I go on the internet looking for stories about transpeople (particularly MTF transitions), I always come across huge long monologues about how gender dysphoria appears to be this constant drudgery that makes a person's life unbearable, and from what I have read, many of the stories depict gender dysphoria has an omnipresent mindset, i.e. the person always feels miserable about their gender.
This is where my dilemna occurs; I don't always feel gender dysphoric. By this I don't mean I ever want to be a boy, because I don't. What I mean is that for me, gender dysphoria isn't this huge dark cloud which engulfs my every waking moment. Some days I wake up and I hate who I see in the mirror, and I become desperate to transition. But some days I find that i'm not too bothered by how I am, i'm never 'happy' being a 'guy', but instead I adopt a more emotionally neutral perspective, and just get on with my day.
This in turn leads me to doubt myself, because i'm constantly thinking "Well what if i'm not really trans?" "I can't be trans because if I was trans i'd hate myself more" "Is transitioning really for me?". And so in turn this leads to me having a dark cloud of depression, albeit a different one to gender dysphoria, because I am being depressed about not being depressed enough about my situation. And that makes me feel more depressed because i'm depressed about not being depressed. (Reader please note the implied viscious cycle and repeated use of the word depressed... Sucks right?)
Another issue which plays on my mind is the concept of how long i've known. I made the realisation little over two years ago, which doesn't fill me with confidence when I read all these stories about transgendered individuals aparently realising they were transgender when they were fresh out of the womb. I know that sounds a bit of a nasty jibe and I don't mean it to be, but sometimes when one hears a story which holds such conviction that they have always constantly felt this way for years, one has a niggling doubt in ones head about whether or not the story is exaggerated in order to attract more interest from the reader.
Does it make me less of a woman just because i've taken a little longer to realise that I am a woman? (It took me until I was 7 before I could tie my laces... I've always been a bit slow on the uptake)
So, the rhetorical question I put forward is; do we have to hate ourselves and feel miserable constantly in order to prove to ourselves and know in ourselves that we are transgendered? Or can one be content with not completely despising ones self and instead allow oneself a day off in order to enjoy life rather than letting their gender identity engulf their being? And does one need to have had gender dysphoria as a lifelong companion before one can realise whether they truly are transgender?
From,
ConfusedGirl17
Friday, 22 February 2013
Saw Palmetto Side Effects
Dear Diary,
Before I started taking Saw Palmetto, I had done endless research on the internet about what to do for my hair problems (ok, for the record i'm not vain, but if no one really wants to go around looking like a potato). There were many people stating that Saw Palmetto only caused shedding and other horrible side effects, and that traditional tested medicine such as Propecia (Finasteride) was the way forward, and then there were others stating that Propecia caused sexual side effects and that Saw Palmetto was the way forward.
However,
I also noticed how those who were claiming that Saw Palmetto was harmful, tended to be people who had the exact same story about why they took propecia (i.e. Oh my friend Bob told me about it so I went down to the doctors and got some and hey all my hair grew back), which led me to suspect that these "experiences" were merely being drummed out by marketting teams. Whilst at the same time those who were sharing experiences with Saw Palmetto, tended to be people who were working for herbal remedies companies. So, this led me to become very frustrated as there wasn't any sources I could rely on. In the end I thought to myself, that Propecia was a costly drug which required a prescription, and I wouldn't be able to get it for at least a few more months until I hit 18 anyway, so it was useless to my current predicament, therefore I bought a huge supply of Saw Palmetto.
Anyway, the science behind MPB (Male pattern baldness), is that certain people, usually males, have hair follicles on their head which is susceptible to the bi-product of testosterone called DHT. This DHT will bind with the hair follicle and eventually cause the hairs it produces to shrink in size, and eventually the hair follicle will become inactive and stop produing hairs. What drugs such as Saw Palmetto, Propecia etc do is they inhibit DHT production in the body. Hurray I hear you cheer. However, this isn't a miracle cure for hair loss because DHT is used in the body for other functions, such as maintaining a healthy libido, and digestive health. Therefore drugs such as propecia and SP tend to effect people differently, some people can cope with having lower DHT levels in the body, whereas some people cannot.
However, from my personal experience the experience my friends have had, a lot of these stories are over exaggerated, also drugs such as Finasteride and Saw Palmetto only have adverse sexual side effects in 2% of cases.
Ok anyway; my experiences with Saw Palmetto:
I've been on Saw Palmetto for just under 2 weeks now, so perhaps it is a little early to state side effects in the long term, but i'll explain what's happened to me in the short term:
1.) Libido; I was one of the few people who had their libido affected by Saw Palmetto, however, the side effects aren't as drastic as people make them out to be. However, contrary to popular belief SP doesn't always lower libido, my libido increased somewhat on Saw Palmetto. I've always had a relatively low sex drive and since taking Saw Palmetto it has increased slightly, not hugely, but just moderately. It's not even that noticable a change.
2.) Skin. Now, another reason some people take SP is for acne, I've had pretty bad skin in the past, and since i've been taking SP my skin has cleared up significantly, this is probably the most noticable change i've had, as my skin feels a lot smoother and is very clear in appearance now.
3.) Hair. So far so good. My hair has stopped shedding (basically when I used to run my hands through my hair at least 5 or 6 hairs would come out, and now none come out), and I think there is some regrowth, but its too early to tell yet. My hair feels softer and less "dead" if that makes sense. I've combined SP with heat aversion (i.e. not blow drying) and using sensitive shampoos in order to promote regrowth.
4.) Mood. This one is difficult to explain. Basically i've always been someone who can get overly hyper and happy or a bit down at times, as we all can. I'm not bi-polar but i'm quite passionate emotionally. Anyway since i've taken SP my mood feels incredibly levelled out, I don't get as down as often, and overall I feel a lot calmer in myself.
5.) Nausea. In the first few days of taking SP I had a slight upset stomache as my body got used to it, but after 8 days that passed and i'm now back to normal.
6.) Tiredness. I think on SP I get more tired than I used to, however that could just be workload and I doubt SP has much to do with this.
Other than those listed I have had no other side effects from taking SP, I have no experience of Propecia so i'm not particularly able to comment on that, however from my personal experience SP is relatively cheap to buy, and easy to access. So if anyone is starting to have issues with hair loss I would definitely recommend it.
Love From,
ConfusedGirl17
Before I started taking Saw Palmetto, I had done endless research on the internet about what to do for my hair problems (ok, for the record i'm not vain, but if no one really wants to go around looking like a potato). There were many people stating that Saw Palmetto only caused shedding and other horrible side effects, and that traditional tested medicine such as Propecia (Finasteride) was the way forward, and then there were others stating that Propecia caused sexual side effects and that Saw Palmetto was the way forward.
However,
I also noticed how those who were claiming that Saw Palmetto was harmful, tended to be people who had the exact same story about why they took propecia (i.e. Oh my friend Bob told me about it so I went down to the doctors and got some and hey all my hair grew back), which led me to suspect that these "experiences" were merely being drummed out by marketting teams. Whilst at the same time those who were sharing experiences with Saw Palmetto, tended to be people who were working for herbal remedies companies. So, this led me to become very frustrated as there wasn't any sources I could rely on. In the end I thought to myself, that Propecia was a costly drug which required a prescription, and I wouldn't be able to get it for at least a few more months until I hit 18 anyway, so it was useless to my current predicament, therefore I bought a huge supply of Saw Palmetto.
Anyway, the science behind MPB (Male pattern baldness), is that certain people, usually males, have hair follicles on their head which is susceptible to the bi-product of testosterone called DHT. This DHT will bind with the hair follicle and eventually cause the hairs it produces to shrink in size, and eventually the hair follicle will become inactive and stop produing hairs. What drugs such as Saw Palmetto, Propecia etc do is they inhibit DHT production in the body. Hurray I hear you cheer. However, this isn't a miracle cure for hair loss because DHT is used in the body for other functions, such as maintaining a healthy libido, and digestive health. Therefore drugs such as propecia and SP tend to effect people differently, some people can cope with having lower DHT levels in the body, whereas some people cannot.
However, from my personal experience the experience my friends have had, a lot of these stories are over exaggerated, also drugs such as Finasteride and Saw Palmetto only have adverse sexual side effects in 2% of cases.
Ok anyway; my experiences with Saw Palmetto:
I've been on Saw Palmetto for just under 2 weeks now, so perhaps it is a little early to state side effects in the long term, but i'll explain what's happened to me in the short term:
1.) Libido; I was one of the few people who had their libido affected by Saw Palmetto, however, the side effects aren't as drastic as people make them out to be. However, contrary to popular belief SP doesn't always lower libido, my libido increased somewhat on Saw Palmetto. I've always had a relatively low sex drive and since taking Saw Palmetto it has increased slightly, not hugely, but just moderately. It's not even that noticable a change.
2.) Skin. Now, another reason some people take SP is for acne, I've had pretty bad skin in the past, and since i've been taking SP my skin has cleared up significantly, this is probably the most noticable change i've had, as my skin feels a lot smoother and is very clear in appearance now.
3.) Hair. So far so good. My hair has stopped shedding (basically when I used to run my hands through my hair at least 5 or 6 hairs would come out, and now none come out), and I think there is some regrowth, but its too early to tell yet. My hair feels softer and less "dead" if that makes sense. I've combined SP with heat aversion (i.e. not blow drying) and using sensitive shampoos in order to promote regrowth.
4.) Mood. This one is difficult to explain. Basically i've always been someone who can get overly hyper and happy or a bit down at times, as we all can. I'm not bi-polar but i'm quite passionate emotionally. Anyway since i've taken SP my mood feels incredibly levelled out, I don't get as down as often, and overall I feel a lot calmer in myself.
5.) Nausea. In the first few days of taking SP I had a slight upset stomache as my body got used to it, but after 8 days that passed and i'm now back to normal.
6.) Tiredness. I think on SP I get more tired than I used to, however that could just be workload and I doubt SP has much to do with this.
Other than those listed I have had no other side effects from taking SP, I have no experience of Propecia so i'm not particularly able to comment on that, however from my personal experience SP is relatively cheap to buy, and easy to access. So if anyone is starting to have issues with hair loss I would definitely recommend it.
Love From,
ConfusedGirl17
Wednesday, 20 February 2013
Gay Parents / Lesbians IVF - My Opinion.
Dear Diary,
I was flicking through 'The Times' today and what caught my eye was an article about how "deprived" children born to lesbian couples are, due to the fact that they are "fatherless". The article went on to say about children who are brought up without a father go on to a life of crime and poverty etc etc etc.
All of this was sparked by the recent change in the NHS, whereby a lesbian couple, or a woman regardless of sexuality, can seek IVF on the NHS up to the age of 42 now, instead of 39 as it was previously.
My response to this article is surely family is an individual subject, and one should question the quality of the parenting, and the values instilled in the children rather than the biological make-up of the parent. Why should lesbian parents be seen as second-best to the hetero-normative just because there is a lack of an XY chromosome? I find it ridiculous that 'The Times' would publish such an article, condemning lesbian couples because it "dilutes the importance of fatherhood", rather than celebrating the fact that these people who love each other are able to have a children. The article also showed it's ineptitude, as it gave the implication of children being automatically being upright citizens if a father is present in the family dynamic; did the person writing this article live under a rock for the majority of their life? Just because someone has a father does NOT make them a better person, I know people who are brought up in a stereotypical 1950's nuclear family who end up becomming criminals, and in the same respect i know people who have grown up in care who have become well-paid doctors, lawyers etc. Admittedly these are extreme examples but my point is clear.
So, what this comes down to, and what people should really focus on, is rather than condemning an alternative couple taking on the responsibility of parenthood, such a couple should be praised aslong as they are able to suitably raise the child. Sexuality doesn't play a role in how well a child is brought up, it is how the parents raise the child in terms of morals, values and discipline that creates good parents.
From
ConfusedGirl17
I was flicking through 'The Times' today and what caught my eye was an article about how "deprived" children born to lesbian couples are, due to the fact that they are "fatherless". The article went on to say about children who are brought up without a father go on to a life of crime and poverty etc etc etc.
All of this was sparked by the recent change in the NHS, whereby a lesbian couple, or a woman regardless of sexuality, can seek IVF on the NHS up to the age of 42 now, instead of 39 as it was previously.
My response to this article is surely family is an individual subject, and one should question the quality of the parenting, and the values instilled in the children rather than the biological make-up of the parent. Why should lesbian parents be seen as second-best to the hetero-normative just because there is a lack of an XY chromosome? I find it ridiculous that 'The Times' would publish such an article, condemning lesbian couples because it "dilutes the importance of fatherhood", rather than celebrating the fact that these people who love each other are able to have a children. The article also showed it's ineptitude, as it gave the implication of children being automatically being upright citizens if a father is present in the family dynamic; did the person writing this article live under a rock for the majority of their life? Just because someone has a father does NOT make them a better person, I know people who are brought up in a stereotypical 1950's nuclear family who end up becomming criminals, and in the same respect i know people who have grown up in care who have become well-paid doctors, lawyers etc. Admittedly these are extreme examples but my point is clear.
So, what this comes down to, and what people should really focus on, is rather than condemning an alternative couple taking on the responsibility of parenthood, such a couple should be praised aslong as they are able to suitably raise the child. Sexuality doesn't play a role in how well a child is brought up, it is how the parents raise the child in terms of morals, values and discipline that creates good parents.
From
ConfusedGirl17
Boys, Booze and a frustrained Brain
Dear Diary,
Today marks the beginning, the start of a new blog. Yet although this is meant to be a fresh start, i'm still feeling trapped.
Let's backtrack a little, about 2 months or so ago I quickly got out of a rather abusive relationship, long story short the guy manipulated me into doing stuff for him, otherwise he'd tell all my friends that i'm transgender. (Me and gender issues is a complex area, sometimes i'm certain i'm trans, other days I feel content with how I am). Anyway currently i'm with the sweetest guy in the world, and for anonymity's sake lets just call him Chef (because he is the most amazing cook in the world, the downside being i'm going to end up gaining weight being with him). My issue with boys is when i'm in a relationship, my gender issues get put on standby, I try and make myself look more masculine and conform more to the stupid gender stereotypes of this world just to please other people, particularly gay guys. Now this may sound big-headed, but if I put the effort in I can attract gay men, and I do get a lot of attention sometimes. But the real issue is that I don't want that attention, i don't want to be seen as masculine, I want to be seen as a GIRL. So, in short my relationships end up taking this viscious cycle of me being in denial, the relationship going smoothly, the boyfriend eventually finding out that i'm trans by putting two and two together, the relationship ending, and me eventually having to confront my gender issues again. It'd be nice if maybe one day I could just wake up and be a beautiful girl, or maybe if I was just born a girl life would have been so much easier (at least then i'd fit into the gender binary), or better yet if I found a guy I could be honest with about how I feel.
Now, Chef is an amazing guy, he's the sweetest boyfriend I've had so far (I'm currently 17 and i've had 4 relationships one after the other with guys since I was about 13), the only issue that will eventually mess everything up is gender. How do you tell a guy that you want to be a girl? Or what about if I do end up transitioning and end up "passing" as a girl (I can pass but it takes a LOT of effort), how do I tell the guy that I used to be a guy? It all just creates so much drama. Would I be better if I just stopped looking for love and became content being on my own?
Ok next area of concern; booze. Well, it's not really booze, i'm not an alcoholic, or alcohol dependant, to be honest I don't even like drinking, I hate the taste unless it's alcopops. My main area of concern is that i'm a real light-weight, i.e. if I have more than two drinks I end up spilling the truth to people. It's like drinking opens the flood-gates and suddenly all my trans issues that I bottle up just come pouring out. I've had more than one occasion at parties where i've ended up crying to a friend about how I feel, or even worse at parties where less people know me, when i've ended up making out with a boy because i've passed really well, and i've had to flee quickly before he realises i'm a guy.
Ok that last sentence made me sound so promiscuous. But i'm really not, although i'm not that "normal", and I have a quite quirky nature i'm pretty "Moral" (ugh that word makes me sound like a religious studies teacher). I mean, I only drink occasionally, I don't binge drink (it's just sadly when I do drink I can't really handle my drink very well), I've never touched recreational drugs, and as for loose sex and promiscuity, well to be honest I have the sexual knowledge and interest as a dead rotting penguin. Sex really doesn't feature high on my agena, in a relationship i'm only really after romance and mutual companionship. Am I really turning into an old woman before my time?
Lastly; frustration. I am frustrated, with many little things. I'm frustrated that i've "come out" over the last few years to different friends, yet half of those "friends" have rejected me or used my secret against me, and at the same time i'm unable to come out to my parents. It's not that my parent's are overly conservative or zealous in religion, they're very liberal, when I came out as "gay" in order to avoid suspicions about my femininity they were fine with it, it's just being trans is something that is less understood by society and I fear for how they'd react, so i'm waiting to see if i'm really sure about how I feel before I tell them.
As for "transitioning", i'm at a bit of a stand-still. Currently i'm not really on any anti-androgens or oestrogen or any other hormone supplment yet (I tried taking spiro once but chickened out after the second dose, plus i'd never self-medicate).
I have made some little progress though, i've started buying some more androgynous clothing, which thankfully helps a lot, luckily i'm not one of these guys with a huge forehead or nose or chin, my shoulders aren't awfully broad and i'm about average to short height for a guy. My one big issue is my hair, which sadly began to recede a bit a few months ago so I had to abandon my femme haircut with the tear-drop fringe, but i'm working on reversing that. I began taking Saw Palmetto extract the other week which has helped a lot in terms of improving my appearance. My hair is growing back quickly and my skin has cleared up loads. (cheer).
Anyway, this post has pretty much tailed off, and my eyebrows are beginning to look like twin chipmunks that have nestled on my brow-line, so I have to go see to that.
But I will write more at a later date.
Love from
ConfusedGirl17
xxx
Today marks the beginning, the start of a new blog. Yet although this is meant to be a fresh start, i'm still feeling trapped.
Let's backtrack a little, about 2 months or so ago I quickly got out of a rather abusive relationship, long story short the guy manipulated me into doing stuff for him, otherwise he'd tell all my friends that i'm transgender. (Me and gender issues is a complex area, sometimes i'm certain i'm trans, other days I feel content with how I am). Anyway currently i'm with the sweetest guy in the world, and for anonymity's sake lets just call him Chef (because he is the most amazing cook in the world, the downside being i'm going to end up gaining weight being with him). My issue with boys is when i'm in a relationship, my gender issues get put on standby, I try and make myself look more masculine and conform more to the stupid gender stereotypes of this world just to please other people, particularly gay guys. Now this may sound big-headed, but if I put the effort in I can attract gay men, and I do get a lot of attention sometimes. But the real issue is that I don't want that attention, i don't want to be seen as masculine, I want to be seen as a GIRL. So, in short my relationships end up taking this viscious cycle of me being in denial, the relationship going smoothly, the boyfriend eventually finding out that i'm trans by putting two and two together, the relationship ending, and me eventually having to confront my gender issues again. It'd be nice if maybe one day I could just wake up and be a beautiful girl, or maybe if I was just born a girl life would have been so much easier (at least then i'd fit into the gender binary), or better yet if I found a guy I could be honest with about how I feel.
Now, Chef is an amazing guy, he's the sweetest boyfriend I've had so far (I'm currently 17 and i've had 4 relationships one after the other with guys since I was about 13), the only issue that will eventually mess everything up is gender. How do you tell a guy that you want to be a girl? Or what about if I do end up transitioning and end up "passing" as a girl (I can pass but it takes a LOT of effort), how do I tell the guy that I used to be a guy? It all just creates so much drama. Would I be better if I just stopped looking for love and became content being on my own?
Ok next area of concern; booze. Well, it's not really booze, i'm not an alcoholic, or alcohol dependant, to be honest I don't even like drinking, I hate the taste unless it's alcopops. My main area of concern is that i'm a real light-weight, i.e. if I have more than two drinks I end up spilling the truth to people. It's like drinking opens the flood-gates and suddenly all my trans issues that I bottle up just come pouring out. I've had more than one occasion at parties where i've ended up crying to a friend about how I feel, or even worse at parties where less people know me, when i've ended up making out with a boy because i've passed really well, and i've had to flee quickly before he realises i'm a guy.
Ok that last sentence made me sound so promiscuous. But i'm really not, although i'm not that "normal", and I have a quite quirky nature i'm pretty "Moral" (ugh that word makes me sound like a religious studies teacher). I mean, I only drink occasionally, I don't binge drink (it's just sadly when I do drink I can't really handle my drink very well), I've never touched recreational drugs, and as for loose sex and promiscuity, well to be honest I have the sexual knowledge and interest as a dead rotting penguin. Sex really doesn't feature high on my agena, in a relationship i'm only really after romance and mutual companionship. Am I really turning into an old woman before my time?
Lastly; frustration. I am frustrated, with many little things. I'm frustrated that i've "come out" over the last few years to different friends, yet half of those "friends" have rejected me or used my secret against me, and at the same time i'm unable to come out to my parents. It's not that my parent's are overly conservative or zealous in religion, they're very liberal, when I came out as "gay" in order to avoid suspicions about my femininity they were fine with it, it's just being trans is something that is less understood by society and I fear for how they'd react, so i'm waiting to see if i'm really sure about how I feel before I tell them.
As for "transitioning", i'm at a bit of a stand-still. Currently i'm not really on any anti-androgens or oestrogen or any other hormone supplment yet (I tried taking spiro once but chickened out after the second dose, plus i'd never self-medicate).
I have made some little progress though, i've started buying some more androgynous clothing, which thankfully helps a lot, luckily i'm not one of these guys with a huge forehead or nose or chin, my shoulders aren't awfully broad and i'm about average to short height for a guy. My one big issue is my hair, which sadly began to recede a bit a few months ago so I had to abandon my femme haircut with the tear-drop fringe, but i'm working on reversing that. I began taking Saw Palmetto extract the other week which has helped a lot in terms of improving my appearance. My hair is growing back quickly and my skin has cleared up loads. (cheer).
Anyway, this post has pretty much tailed off, and my eyebrows are beginning to look like twin chipmunks that have nestled on my brow-line, so I have to go see to that.
But I will write more at a later date.
Love from
ConfusedGirl17
xxx
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